Little Lovers So Polite

So, formal night went really really well. I had only a few, slight hiccups. My dress kept on falling. It didn't fit at all, it was practically 2 sizes too big and because of the shape and design of it I couldn't safety pin it (thanks for the suggestions Erin Rose and Jennie anyway) so all I could do was try and sticky tape myself in it -____- the tape kept coming out during the night so whenever I danced I had to hold onto the top of it (it was strapless) but I got a lot of comments on how nice it looked and also how skinny I was. So, I guess that's good? It shows that I've lost weight? Also, I ate aaaaall the food that was put in front of me. It was just so good! And because I was talking and the servings were small I didn't really notice. But I'm not going to beat myself up about it I'll just have to improve this week. Resist temptations.

Anyway, I don't know if you know or not but this whole year I've been saying that I don't have anorexia... I mean, it doesn't seem like something that would happen to me. It seems like one of those things that happens to other people. You know what I mean? Anyway, I checked out the signs for anorexia...

1. Sudden and severe weight loss - maybe?
2. Obsessing about food, weight and/or appearance. People with anorexia can often tell you how many calories are in a wide number of foods. They may way themselves several times a day. They often believe they are fat when they are severely underweight. - check, check, check, check, check, check
3. Preoccupation with food. In addition to knowing calories in foods anorexic people may cook for others, collect recipes and so on. They don't often eat what they make. - cheeeeck
4. Withdrawal from social situations especially those involving food. - semi-check
5. Lying about their weight and how much they eat. People with anorexia may pretend to eat to avoid confrontations about their condition. They may also insist they are not hungry even if it's been a while since their last meal. - *sigh* check, check and check
6. Strange eating habits. - soooort of
7. Health problems. This includes weakness, dizziness and lethargy. - mmyeaaah but as if it's because of anorexia
8. Abusing diet pills and/or laxatives. - nope
9. Vomiting after eating. This is actually a sign of bulimia but it occasionally comes along with anorexia. - noooooooooo
10. Exercising excessively. - sort of

So... what does this mean? Help? Am I just in denial or...? I just don't know...

Love you all,

Anafly

xxx

Dear my body;

I hate you. I really do.

Thighs, please lose all unecessary baggage.

Butt, please unload all of the junk from your trunk.

Stomach, please oh please discard all of that fat that is so obviously there.

Body, please become as perfect as the bodies of the women that walk down the Victoria's Secret runways,

Or become as perfect as those bodies I see on thinspiration sites.

Body, please became one that would be seen on a thinspiration site.

That is all I have to say to you.

Become perfect.

Yours sincerely,

Anafly

xxx

You know what?

I'm actually sick of it. I'm sick of being told 'put on more weight, it's healthier' or 'you don't need to lose weight you're already so skinny' when there are bloody models skinnier than me, women in movies that I watch skinnier than me and even women in the street skinnier than me. So, can the whole world please decide on already what is the weight they want women to be? I know that's sexist, I know but you see my brain is thinking about this all in two ways. I love the days when Marilyn Monroe's body was thought as unbelievably hot and every women wanted to be a size 12, I adore the days when women with some fat in their bones were wanted for paintings. But then I don't mind if other people are like that, I kind of enjoy it, I just don't want that to be me. I want to be the skinny girl. So can society make up their mind? It seems that you have to be either super skinny or, well, to put it kindly, large when it's in 'fashion', never both at the same time. Can't we just simply have both? Can we have both and then neither of them get srutinized?

Love Anafly

xxx