You Are Lovely

Helloooooooo again :)

First off I want to give a big fat (no pun intended) welcome to my fabulous new followers!I know I say this everytime I say hello to all new followers but I seriously can't believe that so many people are following me!!

To have 73 followers?

I never thought that was possible!

So thank you so so much for listening to what this crazy girl has to say.

Hannah; well what they've done so far to 'control my eating' is that they make my lunch, quiz me on what I had for an afternoon snack and they quiz me on my breakfast.

Luckily for me it actually isn't working... not that they know.

No, being hospitalised would not be fun, but I don't think that'll ever happen *knocks wood*

determined girl; your comments always leave me with the biggest smile on my face. I look quite ridiculous as I sit goofily at the computer screen with a little grin but thank you.

It is so sweet of you to say that I'm you're hero, that warms my heart!

I really am so sorry but I don't think I can promise that 44kg will be my ultimate goal.

I'm pretty sure if will be though because I don't think I can even get there in the first place, but it does sound like such a beautiful number.

Your support is oh so loved.

Glitch; hahaha my oh my oh my I missed you too!

Even though I hated being gone I'm glad I was missed haha.

I don't plan on ever leaving, I'm really going to try and be a better blogger.

Also thank you guys for accepting my marriage proposal, here is your ring

hehehe man I'm lame.

Anyway, I want to fix up my blog a bit but I'm having some difficulties and hope that you might be able to offer some assistance?

How can I get my heading "The Anafly" in the centre? I remember doing it a while ago but have forgotten :S

I also want to add a pretty header from shabby blogs but I don't know how... help!! haha.

Since my uber binge on Sunday I've managed to make up for it this week which is excellent. Both Monday and Tuesday were negative calorie days and I'm also hoping the same for Thursday.

Finally, here is some gorgeous thinspo for you lovely lovely butterflies.

200 calories

just so beautiful

I'm sorry but I haven't had a lot of energy lately to post, which is horrible.

As the school year just started and the HSC is coming up next year we've been tossed lots of homework and assignments to keep us busy. I'm also doing extension english on Monday afternoons so I've been quite exhausted.

But I'm loving it.

I'm doing all the subjects that I want to do and all of my subjects are so great.

It's quite fantastic.

Anyway, I thought that I really should post because there are a few things I want to say.

Thank you so much all of my followers! With out you guys I wouldn't have ever been able to reach 60 followers! When I saw that my jaw dropped. I still can't believe it. I love you all.

Thank you all for your comments on my last post, I'm glad that there are people who can understand and relate. Your comments support me so much and lift up my mood. I especially need to give a shout out to determined girl, Ruby LoveBird, Kissa, Bella and NightFlower to name just a few of you. These girls always manage to put a smile on my face and they try to comment on my posts as often as they can. Thank you.

BellaAna: To respond to your comment on the "Lies Lies Lies" post, I'm in Australia.

I like the idea of you adopting me hahaha

a not so little mermaid: Thank you for your gorgeous gorgeous comments. I didn't mention you above because I knew I was mentioning you here. This is in response to your comment on the "Lies Lies Lies" post as well.

To be honest, I'm not that worried about my peroid being so late and I don't really know why. I guess I see it as something that I don't have to deal with.

A burden I don't have to face.

But then I am a tinsy bit concerned about the possibility of not having kids one day.

I sometimes eat my breakfast in front of family but we're all busy getting ourselves ready in the morning. They do hear me make it though and I sometimes leave stuff hanging around.

I was thinking the other day whether I should post a picture of myself up here or not... I don't know though... it's a bit risky...

Love Anafly

xxxx

What 200 calories looks like (sorry about the picture quality)

Love Until We Bleed

I logged on this morning and did a double, then a triple take. 33 followers?!!?! Is this for real? Thanks so much everyone who is following me, I can't thank you enough. I know I've said this before but when I first started this blog I thought that I'd be lucky to get 10 followers, and now I've got more than triple that. Also thank you so so much to everyone who comments. Your comments are what push me along and make me try to be the best that I can be.

I haven't posted for a while because I haven't felt like I've had much to say. It turns out that the counsellor left a message with my mum asking her to ring her but because my mum's been so busy she hasn't had the time to. I feel like I've been lulled into a false sense of security.

Hmm, now to delve into my 'love' life. I think I'm weird. About six or so months ago I started going out with my first boyfriend. We went out for four and a bit months and then we mutually broke up but we're still friends. About two weeks after we broke up this guy, D, wrote me a song where some of the lyrics were 'only in my dreams I can kiss you' and stuff like that. He'd talk to me on facebook calling me beautiful but was too shy to talk in person. Then this other guy, A, liked me too and for a bit I liked him and we hooked up at a party he had. So, I had the choice in two guys. Then to make matters more difficult I was told that my best boy friend O (we call each other biffleys) also liked me. This was after being biffleys for three years. Three guys. Great -___- Long story short, in the end D turned out to be a bit of a creep, I lost feelings for A (but I feel like I led him on and two months on I still feel horrible) and then O and I started going out. To this day we've been going out for a month and a couple of days. But the thing is, I don't want a boyfriend. I'm simply not interested. I read your blogs and you guys say that you want boyfriends (if you don't already have them) and you want to be adored by a boy. Is it odd that I don't want to be? Is it odd that I feel at the moment I can't be mentally and physically with a boy? I just simply can not do it. Which leads to a complicated situation with O. I like him, I want to go out with him but just not now. I just can't do it but I don't know why. I read somewhere that Anorexia decreases your labido and that when people get Anorexia they push people away. Again, I don't know if I have Anorexia, but is that true? Baaaah it's just so confusing... Or maybe I just simply am not interested at the moment? Help? Haha.

So, currently I surpsisingly still weigh 47 kilos after such a disgusdtingly food orientated weekend with christas barbeques, birthday parties and farewells at Yum Cha. I'm trying to not concentrate on the past and concentrate on the future. But now I don't know how much I want to weigh, I don't know what my next goal should be. I don't want it to be anything too drastic but I need a weight that I can work towards. Any suggestions? Maybe 45 kilos?

Well that's embarassing...

I've somehow managed to follow myself... I don't even know how I did that?!?! Any suggestions on how to unfollow yourself?

Anyway I'm sorry if I sound like a broken record here but I am so truly thankful that you guys are following me, reading what I have to say and even better, commenting on my posts. I love you all. The other day I was thinking about how lonely this whole eating thing is and how no one I know understands but then I stopped and thought about you guys. You guys understand what I'm going through, you guys know that I just can't 'switch it off'. I knew that if I posted how I was feeling on here someone would read it and agree. So thank you. Thank you so so much.

Yesterdays eating was fantastic... until dinner. You see occasionally when I eat my family aren't around. They're busy getting ready in the morning while i have breakfast, they're not with me at school and sometimes I'm so hungry when I get home I eat dinner early before they get home. Last night though while my dad was in Melbourne I went out for dinner with my mum and my brother. I ordered a salad (minus the dressing) and when my mum gave me a dissaproiving look I also ordered a bread roll. That seemed fine but then my mum brought up how her high school friends daughter (who's a couple years older than me and has had anorexia for roughly two years) used to just have salad for dinner and this was an early sign of anorexia. I just said that I wasn't hungry after Zumba but they then forced me to order and eat a cheesecake in front of them claiming I needed to put on weight. Phhhhh. Liars. After eating 2/3 of it I complained of feeling 'sick' because they forced me to eat the cheesecake when I was already full. My mum was then just like 'We didn't force you to eat it'. Grrrrrr.

So anyway today I think I made up for that with a small bowl of Guardian cereal for breakfast, a mini wholemeal avocado roll for lunch and three mini potato, pring onion, dill and chive pancakes (and lots of tea and water).

I've been reading all your blogs religiously, you guys amaze me.

Love,

Anafly

xxx

Thank you

It made me ever so happy to log in this evening to see that I had 5 followers. I know to some of you that seems like nothing but to me it means a lot; it shows me that what I'm writing connects with people and that I'm semi-appreciated so, thank you. I'd also especially like to thank Ruby Lovebird for her constant encouragement, you really are a wonderfully, fantastic, beautiful person.

Anyway, today has been a spectacularly crap day for me and food. As it's cold I've eaten too much. It almost felt like I had gone back to my old self, eating whenever I felt like it. I can't even face the scales. I'm too scared that I might see the dreadful 53 kilos that I once weighed not too long ago. Scales are very scary things. So this is why I haven't updated the above weight gizmoabob. I'll wait till tomorrow after I've gone for a long walk. It's odd to think that just the other day I was well controlled and filled with positivity.

Stay strong my lovely lovely followers

xxx