Love Until We Bleed

I logged on this morning and did a double, then a triple take. 33 followers?!!?! Is this for real? Thanks so much everyone who is following me, I can't thank you enough. I know I've said this before but when I first started this blog I thought that I'd be lucky to get 10 followers, and now I've got more than triple that. Also thank you so so much to everyone who comments. Your comments are what push me along and make me try to be the best that I can be.

I haven't posted for a while because I haven't felt like I've had much to say. It turns out that the counsellor left a message with my mum asking her to ring her but because my mum's been so busy she hasn't had the time to. I feel like I've been lulled into a false sense of security.

Hmm, now to delve into my 'love' life. I think I'm weird. About six or so months ago I started going out with my first boyfriend. We went out for four and a bit months and then we mutually broke up but we're still friends. About two weeks after we broke up this guy, D, wrote me a song where some of the lyrics were 'only in my dreams I can kiss you' and stuff like that. He'd talk to me on facebook calling me beautiful but was too shy to talk in person. Then this other guy, A, liked me too and for a bit I liked him and we hooked up at a party he had. So, I had the choice in two guys. Then to make matters more difficult I was told that my best boy friend O (we call each other biffleys) also liked me. This was after being biffleys for three years. Three guys. Great -___- Long story short, in the end D turned out to be a bit of a creep, I lost feelings for A (but I feel like I led him on and two months on I still feel horrible) and then O and I started going out. To this day we've been going out for a month and a couple of days. But the thing is, I don't want a boyfriend. I'm simply not interested. I read your blogs and you guys say that you want boyfriends (if you don't already have them) and you want to be adored by a boy. Is it odd that I don't want to be? Is it odd that I feel at the moment I can't be mentally and physically with a boy? I just simply can not do it. Which leads to a complicated situation with O. I like him, I want to go out with him but just not now. I just can't do it but I don't know why. I read somewhere that Anorexia decreases your labido and that when people get Anorexia they push people away. Again, I don't know if I have Anorexia, but is that true? Baaaah it's just so confusing... Or maybe I just simply am not interested at the moment? Help? Haha.

So, currently I surpsisingly still weigh 47 kilos after such a disgusdtingly food orientated weekend with christas barbeques, birthday parties and farewells at Yum Cha. I'm trying to not concentrate on the past and concentrate on the future. But now I don't know how much I want to weigh, I don't know what my next goal should be. I don't want it to be anything too drastic but I need a weight that I can work towards. Any suggestions? Maybe 45 kilos?

I'm back on my horse

Thank you thank you thank you for all your beautiful, kind and inspiring comments on my last post. Your comments made me pull on through my negativity and my 'crisis' and to try and make the next day a better one. Even though I've eaten a bit more than I would have liked I've been doing quite a lot of excercise. I love you guys so so much. Like seriously, words can not describe it. You guys are here for me and understand what I'm going through when other people don't. Again, I'm sorry for the little 'melt down', I wasn't in a very good place...

But I have managed to bite back! Checking the scales when I woke up this morning I was 46.5 kilos (aaaaah-maaaaa-zing!) but I don't believe it and don't want to push my luck so I won't be changing the weight gizmo up above just in case...

Ruby Lovebird, I was following you! I swear! Haha, your latest blog posts always turned up in my blogs news feed... maybe my computer malfunctioned and unfollowed you? Nevertheless, I'm following you now :)

I have my formal tomorrow night. I'm sooooooooooooooooooooo excited except my dress (which I bought mid-year in Winter) doesn't fit me anymore... It's a bit too big. This is a really good thing but also a terribly bad thing. My mum went all crazy and said that if I wanted to buy a new dress I should have done so sooner and not a day before the formal. Which I should have, but she told me the dress looked fine so thats why I didn't. Oh well. I'll just have to deal with it. I hate wearing things that don't fit. Oh also my size 8 (american size 4) jeans which have never really fit me properly are so big now around the hip and the upper thigh that I can't really wear them anymore. I now need to wear size 6 (american size 2) jeans. This is a pretty big step. My top half has been a size 6 for a while and I wear dresses that are size 6 but my bottom half is bigger because of my thighs and my big bootay. Wait! Does anyone have any suggestions? It's a three course meal at the formal (greek salad, vegetarian risotto and a chocolate self-saucing pudding) and I'm going to be eating in front of all my friends and the glasses are see through (so no chewing and spitting in there) how can I not eat it all with out people bringing it up?

Anyway this post was meant to only be me checking in but once I started I didn't stop. Good luck girlies, I'll check in after formal and let you know how it went.

Love you all,
Anafly
xxx