Thank you Erin Rose, Ivy, Peanut and Nate for your lovely comments and support on my last post (sorry I havent really figured out how to link names). I don't think I can fully accept that I do or might have anorexia right now but maybe I'll be able to accept it over time. I'm not going to turn it away, I'm almost welcoming it, but I'm determined to stay in control of it and not let it ruin me like it has to other people. Peanut I'm so glad that you see a likeness in us! Haha reading that made me very happy, I have another good friend on here :DAnyway today seemed to be a 'let's all talk and make comments about Anafly's weight' day. I put on this clingy, long sleeved dress on today and my mum said 'Have you lost weight? I can see your hipbones through the dress.'
To which I replied 'they've always been like that'
She then said 'yeah but not so prominent.'
I let that slide but then later on in the day a family friend paid us a random visit before we were going to go out and we started talking about how I do Zumba twice a week at the local gym and go on our newly purchased ab-circle-pro nearly every day. My mum then brought up how I had lost weight. I didn't think it was noticeable? I mean I only sort of believed what the scales were telling me but didn't think others could pick up on it. They all said I needed to eat more. I felt like telling them all to shut up. Couldn't they see the fat? My weight wasn't any of their buisness and wasn't something to openly discuss, but I kept quiet. Then my family friend talked to us about how 40 years ago she worked in the anorexics ward at a hospital and talked about how sneaky they were with hiding weights in their robes when they were to be weighed etc. and then my mum brought up how her friend's daughter was/is anorexic... oh man it was tiring listening to them and trying not to correct them or to tell them to stop talking about it. I really didn't like it. It almost felt like they were close on my trail and they didn't really understand.
After our family friend left we went out christmas shopping. I bought myself two new pairs of swimmers which I desperately needed as I have none. I hate swimmers. I mean, I sort of have on alright figure... wich could be sooooo much better... but you need to have boobs to wear a bikini really well, which I barely have. Oh you also need fatless thighs. And a fatless stomach. After we went for some lunch and I was reading everything on the menu when I just said 'What, that's so stupid, all the salads have meat in them!'
My mum was just then like 'Well you're not allowed to have a salad, order something else.'
It may sound so silly and petty but that made me angry and it didn't help that I've been getting crappy nights sleep. After seeing myself in bikinis I wanted a light, low calorie meal. I settled with prawns and vegetable stir-fry with a tiny bit of basmati rice.
Sorry my beautiful butterflies if this post was a bit bland or... agro? But I knew you guys would understand.
Love you all,
Anafly
xxx
