I am so sorry to be so off and on on here at the moment but I am at a cross roads.
I feel so broken, I feel so damaged.
I feel that I don't deserve to live.
I failed my anorexia.
I always fail my lovely and faithful followers.
I fail the people I love and I fail my best friend Afro, the one I probably love the most of all.
I need your honest opinions here my lovelies, I am lost and need guidance.
Should I get help?
There have been many a time when I have wanted to and have always considered it but now I don't know if it's just a foolish dream/wish or a lapse in judgement or something that needs to happen.
I could never leave you guys though, I am always brought back and I don't think I will ever leave.
I just need that question answered.
I don't want to feel broken, disgusted, ugly, fat, stupid, putrid, unworthy and terrible anymore.
I want to love myself.
But I have accepted that to never happen.
Is it so hard to just want happiness?
The people that I have 'met' on here are honestly the loveliest and nicest people, why is it always the nice ones who are the most... hurt?
I don't know anymore.
I just don't know.