I know that it wasn't long ago I posted

But I just... I just can't. I don't exactly know what it is I just can't, I just can't. Today I was meant to be in control of what I ate but nooooo I had to eat some of the muffin my parents brought me home and eat lotssssssssss of the lemon tart I made.
I just want to swear my bloody head of but I'm not the one to swear, I sound tacky. I am just so pissed of with myself. I do so well and then I just fail fail fail and keep on failing. I keep feeding the little monsters inside my belly.

Me part 1: I'm hungry
Me part 2: No you're not
part 1: Then what's this feeling inside my belly?
part 2: That's control and strength, hold onto it.
part 1: Ok. I will

~later on~

part 2: You failed. You fed those little clawing monsters

part 1: I know, I'm so sorry. I gave in. I know that if I keep doing this I'll become a big fat pudge

part 2: Tomorrow you're going to eat barely anything

part 1: Yes I know. I agree. I will

~later on~

part 1: You know what, I'm fairly skinny, I mean I'm 171.5 cm tall and weigh around 48-50 kilos

part 2: That's not good enough. Pull your head into gear you need to lose more more more

part 1: You're right. Again. Alright I will

But now it seems no how matter how hard I try I can't seem to lose much more. I hate this. I hate this cycle. FUCK IT! JUST LET ME LOSE THE WEIGHT I WANT! PLEASE STOP ME FROM BINGING! Ok, now I'm handing my body over to you. Just please get me there. I need to. Please.

**I am so sorry for the negativity of this post.

It's so out of character, especially the swearing.

But I desperately needed to vent**