Friday, October 1, 2010


I'm sorry that I haven't posted in a while, but I've been extra busy and now I'm sick with some deformed tonsilitis -___-
I think I've been going pretty well lately, I've started trying to limit myself to 600 calories a day, soon I want to bring it to 400 but we'll see how I go. I've also been weighing myself a lot but it just upsets me every time because I can't seem to go under 50 kilos :'( my goal is to weigh 48 kilos (I dont know how many pounds that is, sorry guys!)
Because i've been sick i've needed to eat food to help me feel better (it's school holidays, I don't want to be sick now) which annoys me because I can't concentrate on what I eat as much, but I've been pretty good at staying under or close to 600. Also when I got changed this morning, after eating, to go to the doctors I was angry at what I saw. My stomach was just a huge blob, it wasnt as thin as I remember it being and my bum stuck out like... I dunno, a massive pimple? Crap metaphor I know :P
Also on Tuesday (today being Friday) I had like a little melt down when I was going to sleep. Now i'm a person who hates crying, I hate it. I hate showing my feelings and emotions to people. My best friend even says that there has been only 2 times in our 7 year friendship that she's seen me cry. My mum says I take after my dad's Englishness, she thinks English people don't show emotion haha. Anyway this all had a point. As I was going to sleep I kept on crying! I tried to stop and hold it in but I wasn't very succesful, it was more like quiet controlled crying? It was insane and I wasn't crying because of much, just me losing control over something silly. I then got more upset over the fact that I couldn't control my crying, it took forever for me to stop. But I did. I'm blaming the fact that I was tired and sick for this uncharacteristic outburst.

Sorry for the rushed job, I had so much to say and only a little amount of time to do it in. I'll try and write again soon but I don't know when because it's my birthday thursday (the 7th of October)
Love you all,

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