I am sick at home.
I don't want to be, I remember briefly this morning when I woke up at 8.15 (before falling back to sleep) I got angry at my dad for allowing me to sleep in and not expecting me to go to school.
It sounds silly but I had a depressed episode last night and I'm surrounded by food in the house today.
I want to be with friends so I'm not filled with so much self-loathing, but at the same time I don't want to be with friends so that I can feel all of this hate in hope that it will get me back into routine.
That sounds messed up, doesn't it?
I know I definitely don't want to be surrounded by food, I need to keep my hands off of it.
Luckily for me my appetite has become somewhat repressed. I thank the sickness for that.
I think I can feel control edging back in; when my mum rang she asked me if I wanted her to bring me home some cake for dessert in hope that it will make me feel better.
I declined and I feel stronger for it.
I've been working on the 'FAT' carved into my arm.
Also, you all amaze me. I've been catching up on all of your blogs and you're all so sweet, kind, inspiring and beautiful. You all deserve happiness.