Sunday, December 11, 2011

Je suis un putain de graisse.

She held her top tightly around her body as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. She knew that no matter how long she stared that it would not change but she still had hope. 
The bags under her eyes told of her sleepless nights, kept up by thoughts that terrorised her.
She needed to look at her body. She needed to see if her restricting had helped at all, she needed to know if Ana had been kind.
Slowly, slowly, slowly she pulled up the shirt, dreadful expectation creeping over her body. The first sight of flesh got her heart pumping; when the first sign of fat was spotted, her heart broke.
The face now showed hate.
The hate ran deep in her blood and her veins, coursing through every part of her body.
It now filled her mind and fuelled her inside voices.
Fat. Fat fat fat fat fat! Why? Why after all her hard work did it have to result in this?
Because you’re a disgusting pig that doesn’t try hard enough.
I know, I know, I’m sorry.
Sorry isn’t good enough.

It's only 2.03pm and I've already managed to consume roughly 300 calories.
I do allow myself to eat a bit more on the weekend but still.
That's disgusting.
Absolutely disgusting.
I'm disgusting.
To top it off, my mum just ordered me Vegetarian Rice Noodles (my fave) and fried ice-cream.
Great. Just great.
I didn't even want the fried ice-cream.
Man I sound so un-grateful. I don't mean to sound that way.

Judith Marie the thing you were talking about is the "60 Day Challenge" which I found here :) I'm glad it interested you!
Day nine: What is your favourite food, healthy or unhealthy.
Sushi, vegetarian for obvious reasons and Vegetarian Rice Noodles. I could live off those foods for the rest of my life.
Day ten: Do you eat breakfast? What do you usually have?
I eat breakfast every day, it is something that my dad instilled in me when I was younger, he always says that "breakfast is the most important meal of the day" and he's right. It starts your metabolism and gets everything started so I never miss it. I don't want what I eat later in the day to turn into fat after all. I usually eat Weight Watchers fruit cups which range from 34-36 calories or two spoonfuls of natural Greek yoghurt or 20 calories worth of strawberries or cherry tomatoes.

I love you all so so much you gorgeous butterflies who's words touch my heart and soul.


  1. I feel for you girl. What she can do to us...

    Sushi is one of my favourites too.
    I barely eat breakfast (stupid me) but I do try to drink either green tea or espresso in the morning. Anything to get my metabolism going when I can't bring myself to the thought of eating a calorie.

  2. Oooh, the 60 day challenge. I'm so doing that! although starting it in the Christmas season isn't terribly wise but I so am!

    Also, does being vegetarian help dieting? I'm not a vegetarian, but I've always thought that vegos are probably thinner because they are quite restricted in what they can eat (and my weakness is fried chicken).

    And...fried ice cream? What is fried ice cream? How do you fry ice cream? Doesn't it melt? I'm going to google this!

  3. How many times I have stood in front of my mirror and thought those exact same things. Vegetarian rice noodles are amazing and what makes it worse is that I am the only one who eats them in my family so I'm supposed to eat it all. Which really isn't that hard...

    I also agree about the breakfast thing, I always try to eat breakfast and I find that it keeps me fuller during the day. I tend to overeat if I don't have it. My general rule is: don't have breakfast, don't eat for the rest of the day.

    I didn't realise you were from Australia. I live in QLD. I wasn't born here but next year will be 10 years since we moved from Scotland. So yes, its pretty cool to find someone else from Australia.



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