Wednesday, December 14, 2011

That's amore.

I sit here in the dark of my room even though it's midday, sinking in the array of pillows on my double bed  and with the scented oil in my oil burner burning away, filling the room thinking about how lucky I am to have you guys. I really am. You all give me a strong sense of belonging to this community and you guys help me in my darkest times, no matter how stupid I am being.

Christina: Darling, you do not know how much your comment helped me. I was feeling terrible, I was beating myself up mentally and I was just in a horrible state of mind but then I read your comment. Your advice helped me so much! It made me think properly and be realistic. Yes, the next day was a new day and it was a better one. You helped me see clearly and I can't thank you enough.

Clear Girl: Thank you, thank you.  I lit my oil burner and let the aroma fill the room and I made myself listen to your advice. You are right after all. Everything you said was spot on.

lottie x: I remembered how the binge made me feel, I savoured the hate that I had to ensure that it won't happen again. I know it will eventually but I think I've held off such an unhealthy binge for a while. You're right about it not being enough to gain over one singular day and I didn't :) Thank you oh so much for speaking reason.

Run: I don't know why 1200 seems like so much, yes 1200 is literally a big number but people are eating more than that every day. Why isn't that possible for us? You're right, it isn't too bad an intake.

JojoBaby: Thank you!! It's great to hear that I'm not the only one, I felt like I was the only one to binge at that time of the month so thank you for reassuring me. You are most definitely not a big my darling!!!!! Don't think that!! Thank you so much for your comment, your positivity and reasoning helped me a lot.

Judith Marie: Yes, these cycles of doing well then not doing well I guess are the curses that come with it all. The weeks when I do well I'm on such a high, I'm so proud of myself but then the weeks when I do badly I am in a horrid mental state. Fun. You're right, it's done. It's in the past now so there's no use worrying about it and you know what? I'm not anymore. Sure, the day after I was still annoyed with myself (and still full so that was good) but now I've completely moved on from it all.

Rachel: You're welcome and I love you. Thank you for posting it, that is so flattering and seriously means a lot to me. I could never express to you how much of an affect that had on me; to think that my words are being read by someone and to think that those words could affect that person enough for them to post it themselves for others to read? That's just so mind blowing and heart warming. I know what you mean, I am glad that I have someone to identify with and relate to!

Depressed Skinny Mess.: Thank you for the follow back and you're right, we will get there in the end. We are all determined and strong enough.

Bones: You are so so right. I thought that if I stopped posting for a while that it would be a punishment, a punishment that I would hate so much that I would stop binging so that I could get back on here but after reading your comment I realised how untrue that was. I would miss this too much, I would miss yo too much. You can hang in there darling, especially if I can. You're right, this is a group effort, we're in this together. We can all help each other feel better and do better. I'm here for you darling.

Ruby LoveBird: Aren't hang overs just lovely? Haha not. It would be so marvelous if we didn't have to eat ever again. That would help in so many ways... does that sound absolutely twisted and mental? You seriously don't know how much I love you, you were one of my first followers and I love you so so so so so so much. By the way! My email has stopped working so I can't check it at all, I am so sorry if you've been sending me emails and I haven't been replying. You are welcome for the comments I leave you, I love doing it haha.

Dying to be beautiful: "Do not stop posting, I repeat do not stop posting. If anything you will loose motivation, and eat more." That is some of the best advice I've recieved and it's oh so true. It means so much to me that you enjoy reading my blog and like to hear how my day went. You are so sweet.  Oh yay! Another 17 year old! I know what you mean, I watch my friends when they eat and wonder how they can eat what they do without worrying about calories and whatnot but then as I watch them I realise how jealous I am. Why can't we be like that? Thank you darling.

Dear Prudence: I know what you mean, I love the taste of food but I hate feeling it in my stomach, it makes me feel so uncomfortable. I've never had Mia call me and I think I am quite lucky because of that but there are definitely been times when I wish that she did. Thank you for your comment, everything you said helped me in many ways. I really appreciate it.

Kiwi: Thank you for believing in me. That's ok about the comments darling, I just love reading your blog. You are ever so welcome about my comments, to be honest, I love leaving them. You are just so lovely and I love reading your blog.

Olivia Lee: Thank you for your comment! I am seriously absolutely in love with your blog so to be getting a comment from you is lovely haha. Thank you darling, I am being strong, no matter how difficult it is. I love you too.

I am so happy right now. I am completely ecstatic. I tell you the reason for this? Reading through all of your comments and replying to you lovely women. I do not know where I'd be without you guys, you are all so lovely, sweet, kind, caring, amazing, funny, clever, smart, beautiful and fantastic. You are the best bunch of people that I have had the pleasure of 'meeting'. None of you deserve to go through what you do every day. None of you. To think how selfless you all are; not only have you got a lot to deal with but you also don't mind commenting on other peoples blogs and helping them in their times of need. You all just blow me away.
Starting this blog early 2010 I did not think that I would be here right now with 146 followers who are all as amazing as you. No matter how good I am with words I do not think I can type enough to show you all how much I care for you, if anything was to ever happen to any one of you I don't know what I would do.

I love you all so so so so much.

Day eleven: What are your family’s eating habits like?
My mum is currently on Light & Easy and is trying to lose weight. She's doing pretty well. She loves food and has a massive sweet tooth and is often the one to bring unhealthy food into the house. Because of her job she sometimes goes without eating lunch. My 13 year old brother is skinny and yet he eats like every second of the day. He eats healthily but he also eats bad food too but it doesn't seem to affect him at all; he is so much like my mother and has a big sweet tooth too, he would rather sweet over savoury. My dad and I are very very similar. He prefers savoury and rarely has dessert but if he's on holiday he will treat himself to some dessert or something of the sort. He absolutely loves cheese and he eats quite a lot. He eats healthily but his servings can be quite big... he is a tall man after all.
Day twelve: What are your friend’s eating habits like?
They eat a good amount of food and they have balanced diets. I envy their eating habits.
Day thirteen: Is your diet ever negatively influenced by your friends? Do they pressure/tempt you to eat unhealthy food?
You could say that I guess... they eat so much (well compared to me) and expect me to do the same when I'm around them. A 'normal' person would see that as a good thing but a person with an ED mind would not. They don't pressure me to eat unhealthily but they certainly to tempt me. If they're eating unhealthy food they often want me to join in and get suspicious if I don't.


  1. God, that sounds like bliss, just lying in your room all relaxed! Hope your doing ok sweetie xx

  2. Wish I was still in bed relaxing! Lucky you!
    I feel the same about everyone on here, I could never hope to meet a nicer, more amazing group of girls! I don't have the words for it either!
    Lottie x

  3. I know what you mean by being near friends who eat so much. Most of mine are male and so have crazy fast metabolisms, and I don't want to be "that girl" who only orders salads all the time, nor do I want them to suspect my eating habits, but it's very hard trying to decide between pleasing people and feeling shitty later on, or pleasing yourself but risk judgement.

  4. I find 1200 calories a day a massive amount too. Jesus, the number is so big... But then again, a few years ago, I didn't even count calories and (from memory of calculating it now) would happily eat 2000 calories a day without even a blink... I think I was happier then. x

  5. Thank you so much for thinking that I could have the ability to write something so beautiful. It means a lot that you would think I could have that amount of talent.
    It is a song, it's called 'The mockingbird' by Kate Rusby. It's such a beautiful song.

    What you said about this little community really rings true for me, but it can be quite bittersweet, although there are a lot of people I am so glad I have 'met', I think of the reason why they are here and that saddens me.

    But we are here for one reason or another and as horrible as it is, at least we have each other, which for me makes my day that little bit easier.

    And you are definitely one of those people that makes it easier.

    I love you
    Thank you for being so kind


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