This, my beautiful girls, is an apology and thank you's

Let me start off with saying sorry.

I'm sorry that I've kind of neglected (for the lack of a better word) you guys and your blogs but I've tried to comment your blogs as often as I can. Has it been enough?

I'm also sorry for worrying you guys, if I did.

red your comment really meant a lot to me and made me realise how stupid and selfish I was being. You were worried for me because I hadn't posted for a while after my last post. For me.

I also want to thank you for the comment you left on my other post which said:

"But your weight loss has told me that being bulimic is stupid and I'm trying to change." A bit further on it also says "But thanks for making me realise what I was doing was dumb."

You really are a sweet heart.

I was finding it hard to blog because I just didn't know how to put what I was feeling in words. The emotions I were and am feeling are more complicated than I have ever experienced.

All of your comments have shown how much you all care, which makes my heart bubble with so much love for you guys and so much care.

Bree's Journey... thank you ever so much for commenting on my posts almost straight after I post them. Your support and engouraging words mean so much.

Bella you always amaze and inspire me. Always. Thank you for always commenting, thank you for your mature and level-headed ideas and comments. Thank you for your words that always seem to slightly heal my wounds.

Night_Flower I'm glad I'm 'stuck' with you. Thank you for always commenting, thank you for always being so lovely and understanding.

determined girl thank you for always commenting. Thank you for leaving me long comments that I always enjoy reading and that bring tears to my eyes because what you have to say really makes me feel so much better and moves me. And you're right. It is the struggle to becoming thin that makes us feel so accomplished. If there was no loss there would be no gain. I've been doing amazing? I'm an inspiration? Really? My oh my, I love you.

marsh.sara thank you for saying I'm one of the sweetest girls on here, you're an absolute darling.

Iris, this may sound silly, but I think I needed to be told that I'm, in fact, underweight. That seems to not register with my brain, or ana, at times. Thank you for saying that I'm "most probably gorgeous." You're a sweet heart.

I have to thank you all, not just those who comment but also those who follow this blog and read it. Thank you for sticking by me through my good and bad days, thank you for offering me your love and support. I wish I could find you all now and give you all great massive hugs as well as a bunch of flowers and a subscription to your favourite thinspo magazine ;)

I have one other thing to say, before when I was 47 kilos I wanted to lose weight. Now I'm 48 kilos and I feel so much heavier. I look in the mirror and see a girl who needs to lose weight. I want to go back to 47 kilos and then lose more but my eating hasn't been strict enough for that to happen. This all worries me. I'm second guessing myself and my personality. Am I actually good at that? Am I able to do that? Am I as good as I think I am? Is anything that I want to achieve possible?

I love you all so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so

so so so so so so so so so much.

xxxxxxxx

ps. I went for my drivers licence today and failed. I feel kind of pathetic actually hehe.