Ivy: Even though that toffee muffin sounds delicious (but also disgustingly poisonous) isn't horrible being forced to eat in front of people? We don't have to prove anything to anyone but yet, we do. Can't people just mind their own buisness? I never thought I'd be skinny enough to start worrying about what I wear as to not give anything away, but I guess I'm going to have to start thinking about it.
Night_Flower: It was awkward haha, those kind of situations are horrible. I agree, it was quite harsh of my mother and I didn't think she had the right to say that... but now that I look back at it from her point of view, I guess she's just trying to look out for me? But this isn't something I want her to look out for.
Jennie: Haha yeah I guess that's what mum's are for... even if that's not we want. Thank you :) I welcome these hipbones :P
Peanut: I agree. I find it flattering when people comment on my weight, no ones commented on my weight loss for a while so I don't often find it annoying when they talk about it, I feel reassured. But I do find it extremely annoying when my family talks about it. That's because they're the people I live with and they are the ones who have the biggest chance at stopping what's going on. Yeah I wish they knew I was looking out for myself but obviously I can't tell them anything. Haha yeah here's hoping they'll get used to it soon. Tiny boobs are the stupidest things ever! They make strapless dresses and bikinis look... not right. Yeah we have target here so, the hunt is on for those things! Haha.
Erin Rose: Hmm... did you like the fact that your mum lied about it? Or would you have rathered she told the truth? I am extremely pale too! I used to have quite a lot of colour in my skin but then I went through this 'I want to be pale phase'. I've now decided to get back my colour because I think I was too pale before (health wise). I'm sure you don't look like a whale!
Ruby Lovebird: I've missed you! Haha it feels like you haven't been around for a while, or maybe I'm just crazy. I love that pink bikini too. As soon as I saw the picture I was practically droooooooling. Thank you, I like to see myself as quite a patient person (at times). I adore you more!
Ok, now to get down to what I really wanted to say. Reading Ruby Lovebird's comment on my last post got me thinking. When she said "I bet your mum would prefer a graceful little girl rather than a big lumpy sow" I thought, yes. Yes she would. I have proof. I love my mum, she's been through so much in her life and she really is a terrific person but I know she would rather me a skinny minny. Firstly you need to know that when I was a youngin' I was a very chubby girl and at times I was quite a big one until I lost all of my puppy fat when I was roughly 13? Anyway, I remember when I was in year 4 (I must have been 10?) my parent's, my brother and I were on holidays and had spent the day on the beach. Once we had all piled in the car my mother looked at me straight in the eyes, placed her hand on my leg and said "Once we get back home this whole families going on a diet." I then started crying. I knew what she meant even at that age. She was calling me fat and I didn't like it. My dad gave her a look as if to say "What are you doing?" That's all I remember of that memory.
I remember when I was in year 6 (12) we had gone to England for Christmas to visit my dad's side of the family. We were getting photos taken with my cousin, Auntie and Grandma as a Christmas present for my Grandma. As we were getting ready for the photo of us all my mum said to me "Hold in your stomach when the photos are being taken." I didn't react to that and I did as she asked, but I can't remember how that made me feel. I don't think this was one the same day but I remember when I was in my Grandma's bathroom I saw her scales. Our scales at home were never out so I decided to weigh myself. I was probably 155cm tall and the scales read 53 scales. I knew that a lot of my friends at school weighed roughly 48 kilos. I don't remember how I felt, I think I wasn't too happy with that.
One of my final, and earliest memory, of me and my weight was when I was in year 2 (aged 7 or 8) and my best friend at the time (who was I guess a bit of a bully, she was the one everyone followed) was talking about a girl in the year below saying how fat she was. She then looked at me and said "Don't worry, you're just big boned." I agreed with her, "Yeah, I'm just big boned," I said.
I was too young to really understand what was being said and I don't think I saw why there was a problem with being fat. I don't think she really did either.
Wow, reading back I have to let you know that I was a very happy child. I sometimes cried at the drop of a hat but I was very optimistic and had a sunny disposition. That's the same now, I'm positive and optimistic unless it's to do with my weight. So yeah, I hope that all that information gets you guys to maybe understand me better? Because I don't.
I love all my butterflies,
ps. If you guys want to ask me any questions, any at all, please do and I'll answer next post :)