Thank you Erin Rose, Ivy, Peanut and Nate for your lovely comments and support on my last post (sorry I havent really figured out how to link names). I don't think I can fully accept that I do or might have anorexia right now but maybe I'll be able to accept it over time. I'm not going to turn it away, I'm almost welcoming it, but I'm determined to stay in control of it and not let it ruin me like it has to other people. Peanut I'm so glad that you see a likeness in us! Haha reading that made me very happy, I have another good friend on here :DAnyway today seemed to be a 'let's all talk and make comments about Anafly's weight' day. I put on this clingy, long sleeved dress on today and my mum said 'Have you lost weight? I can see your hipbones through the dress.'
To which I replied 'they've always been like that'
She then said 'yeah but not so prominent.'
I let that slide but then later on in the day a family friend paid us a random visit before we were going to go out and we started talking about how I do Zumba twice a week at the local gym and go on our newly purchased ab-circle-pro nearly every day. My mum then brought up how I had lost weight. I didn't think it was noticeable? I mean I only sort of believed what the scales were telling me but didn't think others could pick up on it. They all said I needed to eat more. I felt like telling them all to shut up. Couldn't they see the fat? My weight wasn't any of their buisness and wasn't something to openly discuss, but I kept quiet. Then my family friend talked to us about how 40 years ago she worked in the anorexics ward at a hospital and talked about how sneaky they were with hiding weights in their robes when they were to be weighed etc. and then my mum brought up how her friend's daughter was/is anorexic... oh man it was tiring listening to them and trying not to correct them or to tell them to stop talking about it. I really didn't like it. It almost felt like they were close on my trail and they didn't really understand.
After our family friend left we went out christmas shopping. I bought myself two new pairs of swimmers which I desperately needed as I have none. I hate swimmers. I mean, I sort of have on alright figure... wich could be sooooo much better... but you need to have boobs to wear a bikini really well, which I barely have. Oh you also need fatless thighs. And a fatless stomach. After we went for some lunch and I was reading everything on the menu when I just said 'What, that's so stupid, all the salads have meat in them!'
My mum was just then like 'Well you're not allowed to have a salad, order something else.'
It may sound so silly and petty but that made me angry and it didn't help that I've been getting crappy nights sleep. After seeing myself in bikinis I wanted a light, low calorie meal. I settled with prawns and vegetable stir-fry with a tiny bit of basmati rice.
Sorry my beautiful butterflies if this post was a bit bland or... agro? But I knew you guys would understand.
Love you all,
Anafly
xxx
i've been in that situation before. i was meeting my friends in a coffee shop. one my friends mums is good friends with my mum so they were meeting for a coffee too. but then her mum brings up how much weight i had lost and says "if i didn't know any better i would think she is..." and so, as if to prove her wrong mum puts a toffee muffin in front of me and they watch me eat it. awkward...
ReplyDeleteso yeah anyway, i totally understand. i don't see it, but people around me notice. i have to be careful with what i wear.
love, xo
That sounds awfully awkward... I hate situations like that. That was a bit harsh of your mum, telling you you're not ALLOWED to have a salad... Then again she might just be worried about you? Anyway I hope tomorrow is better. =) Take care, Night_Flower xx
ReplyDeleteThats just your mom caring about you, don't let it get you down. Thats what parents do haha
ReplyDeleteCongrats on losing weight though! Yaayy hipbones!
Take care <3
:) aghh I remember the last time I lost bunches of weight. at first it was really flattering for everyone to tell me how thin i've gotten, but then it got really annoying. probly cuz they went from sounding impressed to sounding worried, and it was every single day they'd say something. its hard to hear cuz you know that you're not killing yourself, your just eating alittle less than you should. I know your ana is not full-fledged and under control, I wish they could know that too. sorry boo boo, maybe theyll get used to your new hot figure and stop saying stuff soon. lol
ReplyDeleteand I feel you on the boob thing, mine are TINYYY! it makes bathing suits look so stupid. maybe we should get those jelly inserts, they sell them at target. idk if u've heard of it, its an american store.
my mom just lied and told everyoen that I had a thyroid disease, which I did, but that wasnt the cause of why I had lost so much weight.
ReplyDeleteahh bikinis. I just dont like my stomach, adn I am SO pale, that i am afraid of what others will think if they see me walkingn on the beach in a bikini.
"what is that great big white WHALE doing out there! go back inside and put on a poncho!!!"
arrrgh hate summer. so glad it is winter.
hello miss anafly,
ReplyDeletei'm a little bit crazy about that dress. It IS gorgeous.
Fuck that pink bikini is tres' cute.
Terribly proud of your patience, your temper obviously isn't as bad as mine ha.
p.s I be your mum would prefer a graceful little girl rather than a big lumpy sow yes
I adore you badasssss
ha
xxxxxxx